FIFA World Cup 2010: England in-fighting leaves campaign in tatters

As Rose highlights in the hit American sitcom Two and a Half Men, “schadenfreude” refers to feeling pleasure at the misfortune of others, which is exactly how I felt when I got wind of John Terry’s latest solecism. There is no denying the murmurings that have emerged from all quarters of the England camp regarding Fabio Capello’s unyieldingly strict regime, which has ostensibly eroded team morale. Sundays’s press conference began with Terry defending his manager in an archetypically loyal fashion, which is something of a regularity for him at Stamford Bridge. By the time the conference concluded, Terry had painstakingly dismantled the armoury of Capello’s authority and personally promised to challenge the rules put down by his manager. The fact that the players and staff were allowed to drink beer following the draw with Algeria suggests Terry may have dealt Capello a formidable blow. However, it is notable that the other squad members were unhappy with their ex-captain’s decision to elect himself as their spokesman, and revealing intricate private details about the team. Yesterday, Capello retorted that the centre-half had made a “big mistake”, forcing Terry to lumber out in front of the press with his tail between his legs and issue a somewhat futile public apology. Clearly, the relationship between Capello and the Chelsea stalwart has soured since Terry was humiliatingly stripped of his captaincy four months ago. As a result, the plight felt in the England camp is now only a wayward Jabulani away from descending into the infantile anarchy that engulfed France’s impalpable stay in South Africa.
As of 5pm this evening, I expect to be feeling more “schadenfreude” as Mr Capello finds his reputation thoroughly extirpated at the hands of Slovenia.

FIFA World Cup 2010: "If Carlsberg did team selections..."

As John Barnes vexingly preaches: “You got to hold and give but do it at the right time. You can be slow or fast but you must get to the line”.
It seems Signore Capello has been fortunate enough to avoid Mars pretentious marketing campaign (for the duration of the World Cup all Scots will disassociate themselves from Carlsberg, Mars, and their partners in crime, Kasabian). England fans forever regard their national team as the perennial, gritty Underdog at every major tournament, which is fair enough. But the persistent attribution of Wayne Rooney’s scatter-gun aggression and John Terry’s reckless tackles to the fatuous “island race” label would cause Winston Churchill to sorely regret making that famous speech. The Scots, Irish and Welsh constitute the same “island race” and they didn’t even make the final tournament. Although Fabio Capello is unquestionably the ideal tactician to guide England to success in South Africa, his personnel choices for the final 23-man squad are somewhat perplexing. No one can refute that the squad selection process presented anything other than a conundrum for the Italian, one that will likely prompt journalist to switch their current optimistic tone to one of sanctimony after England bow out before the semis.
The principal concern for England supporters, at least momentarily, is of course the omission of Theo Walcott. I didn’t heed Gordon Strachan’s plight at the last World Cup so now I have a yoghurt in the fridge that needs eaten (it is an apricot Petit Filous so you can understand my distress). Capello has opted for Aaron Lennon and Shaun Wright-Phillips in the position that many felt Walcott and his supersonic pace fitted like a glove. Following his hat trick against Croatia, an element of complacency has shrouded Walcott’s season. Combine this with his injury problems, and it becomes apparent why Capello opted to leave him behind. His positional adversaries Lennon and Wright-Phillips may not get to the by-line quite so sharply, but both have seen more first team football this season than you can shake a vuvuzela at. An added impetus in choosing Wright-Phillips comes in the shape of the diminutive winger’s stepfather, the grinning ignoramus that is Ian Wright. While “Live from Studio Five” may portray Wrighty to possess the same level of intellect as Dappy from N-Dubz, he carries enough weight in the British media for Capello to appreciate that leaving Wright-Phillips at home would constitute a PR suicide.
As for the other casualties, Darren Bent and Michael Dawson should rightly feel disappointed at missing the cut. Bent’s seat on the plane is occupied by the maladroit behemoth that is Emile Heskey, who is under no delusions that his sole purpose will be to feed on scraps in order to supply saviour Rooney. Although Heskey may well be more effective as a second striker, Bent has scored 25 goals this season while Heskey hasn’t hit the net since February. If selection should be dependent on fitness then Capello could just as easily have omitted Ledley King instead of Dawson but picked the former on the basis that he is the more gifted player. Stephen Warnock has played only 90 minutes for England since 2005 but regained the position following Leighton Baines’ desperate performance at left-back against Japan on Sunday. Capello is a man too astute and experienced in world football to make rash decisions or perilous gambles regarding his playing personnel. However, it remains to be seen if his choice to hold back Walcott and Bent bears fruit, and if the decision to give Wright-Phillips and Heskey a place on the plane backfires, like I hope Carlsberg’s ostentatious advertising does.

Don't Teach The Old Dog New Tricks

Less than half a season gone and the Formula 1 World Championship is already beginning to look conclusive. Sound familiar? Exactly twelve months ago, Jensen Button was well on his way to championship title after more than a decade on the grid, playing an integral role in the fairytale that encapsulated Brawn GP’s maiden season.
After Mark Webber strolled to victory at Monaco last Sunday with his team-mate Sebastian Vettel in close pursuit, a number of his rivals lamented that the Red Bull team are simply too technologically advanced for the other teams to compete. In contrast with the Brawn GP, who succeeded on a shoestring budget overseen by the parsimonious guidance of Ross Brawn, Red Bull receive abundant financial backing from billionaire owner Dietrich Mateschitz, who demands his team take the championship flag this season. It is too soon to foresee which driver will take the championship crown but the Red Bull team, astutely marshalled by Christian Horner, must be the favourites. Following a piquant opening to the 2010 campaign, the prodigal young German Vettel has been transcended by Webber, ten years his senior, who has utilised his experience, wisdom and raw ability to ruthless effect. The rest of the field, led by the Ferrari of Fernando Alonso appear perplexed and left stranded in the Red Bull slipstream. Other heavyweight contenders for the title such as Lewis Hamilton and Jensen Button of McLaren have been made to look somewhat languid as they struggle to overcome the reliability problems that have plagued many of the grid forerunners this season. The one-time insuperable titan Michael Schumacher has toiled throughout the season as it becomes ominously apparent just how far the seven-times world champion has fallen from grace. Nevertheless, Schumacher provided a glimpse of his vintage characteristic guile as he audaciously leapfrogged Fernando Alonso on the final corner of the Monaco circuit just as the safety car pulled into the pits. It is refreshing to observe the potency with which less fashionable drivers such as Kubica, Rosberg and Sutil all drive, seemingly incited by the failure of their leading adversaries to pull away from the rest of the grid. A repeat of the 2008 season finale, when Hamilton was crowned World Champion only after the final lap of the final race of the campaign, is every neutral’s wish. While Red Bull hold an undoubtedly large lead, it is one which is most definitely assailable, as Jensen Button proved last year when the championship fate was decided with one round to spare. I hope Webber maintains this early momentum to take the championship which the old dog so thoroughly deserves.

Season of discontent: What does next term hold for the SPL?

Should Gordon Brown be re-elected as the British Prime minister on Thursday, he will be required to address a multitude of issues in order to get the Labour party back on track. In comparison with the enormity of the tasks facing Neil Doncaster and his SFA colleagues at Hampden Park, the murky waters of Westminster represent something of a tranquil haven.
The controversy surrounding the recent league split contained tenacity more akin to the nature of a pitbull terrier. Despite retaining the SPL title last weekend at Easter Road, Walter Smith was noticeably riled by the post-split fixture list that requires his team to make play three consecutive away matches. As they did exactly 12 months ago, St Mirren are destined to travel north to take on Falkirk, who are again their relegation rivals, for a third time this season. Likewise, Motherwell are unhappy at the prospect of playing two extra games away from home, although the players may see this as a blessing in disguise given the current state of the Fir Park playing surface.
To rectify the deficiency of “sporting integrity”, Walter Smith threw his weight behind the idea of restructuring the SPL to accommodate 18-teams to replace the current 12 club format. The notion of not playing the same team four times each season is understandably appealing on footballing terms, as the lack of familiarity between teams would facilitate less predictable results, and ultimately result in more compelling viewing. However, the influx of six first division clubs into Scotland’s premier league will culminate in fixtures such as Queen of the South against Hamilton Academicals, which is unlikely to entice neither fans nor TV revenue. The recent proposals of a 14-club top flight encompassing the play-off structure currently exercised in the First Division appears to be the more pragmatic approach. Along with ending the annual plight posed by the league split, the probable improvements in playing styles and gate receipts renders this solution an attractive proposition to supporters and broadcasters alike.

As the media frequently remind us, (messrs Traynor and Leckie among others) this season has been the worst season for Scottish football since Moses asked Pharaoh to release the Israelites. Under the admirable control and discipline of Walter Smith, Rangers have stretched their resources to an impressive measure both on and off the park, allowing them to saunter to another league victory. Of course, it needn’t have looked so effortless had it not been for the turmoil that currently engulfs the East end of Glasgow. Few other teams outside the Old Firm are so fixated by the challenge of beating their local rivals to the championship year in, year out, which is why Tony Mowbray was dismissed from Celtic with ruthless immediacy. When successfully deployed, his principles of attacking football provided a refreshing contrast with the callous and gritty win-at-all-cost approach taken by Walter Smith that attracted regular recriminations. However, Smith’s record of six trophies in three years is beyond reproach. While Tony Mowbray looks for a new job, Neil Lennon has assumed the position of ringmaster as he seeks to overhaul the circus that has encapsulated Celtic’s season. Aside from the Scottish Cup exit at the hands of Ross County, Lennon and his assistant Johan Mjallby have successfully nursed the ailing team towards the finish line while circumventing the threat of slipping to third place behind a pertinacious Dundee United side. Despite losing head coach Craig Levein midway through the season, Peter Houston has assumed managerial duties with remarkable adroitness, and produced a side oozing impetus and vivacity. Houston’s impeccable blend of uncompromising physicality in defence with an efficacious, peripatetic midfield supplying the prodigal David Goodwillie allowed for the easy dismissal of third place challengers Hibernian. At the other end of the table, Falkirk appear favourites to be relegated after narrowly avoiding the drop last season, despite coach Steven Pressley’s best attempts to lament, exasperate and inculpate his way to safety. Following the most enthralling first division title race in years, Inverness Caledonian Thistle managed to bounce straight back into the top flight when Dundee, Dunfermline, Queen of the South and Ross County were all serious promotion candidates.

Witnessing Henry McLeish speak at the Scottish Football Debate last September, I was impressed by the ambition and integrity in his proposal to conduct a meticulous review of Scottish football. The compiled findings of the review released last week made for pessimistic reading, suggesting that a complete overhaul of the system is required from grassroots up if Scotland should ever again produce world-class players. This may be the case, but this season has seen the gulf between Scotland’s elite clubs diminish somewhat, meaning next season should be a much more unpredictable affair.

Victory for Evil over Good

Last night’s contest ended in a manner that is becoming increasingly synonymous with ‘The Special One’. Sprinklers were never going to be enough to douse the explosive pandemonium that Jose Mourinho precipitated on Catalonia, from the prerequisite mind games to his post-match grapple with Victor Valdes. Along with the psychological jousts, Mourinho has lifted another powerful weapon from Sir Alex Ferguson’s arsenal in the perennial underdog mentality, and instilled it in his Internazionale side with perturbing effectiveness. Thiago Motta’s unfair dismissal before the half-hour mark was the perfect compliment for Mourinho’s ‘us against the world’ mindset, and undoubtedly catalysed Inter’s unsightly but admirable robustness. The white-clad warriors, led laudably by Samuel, Lucio, Zanetti, and Cambiasso soaked up the pressure exerted by Barca’s playmakers of Xavi, Pedro, Toure Yaya, and Dani Alves with discernable content. Consequently, Ibrahimavic looked woefully alienated, while Cambiasso and Chivu quickly shackled Messi’s habit of cutting inside onto his left foot. For all their possession, Barcelona appeared hopelessly casual and unimaginative, sending cross after cross into Julio Cesar’s penalty area, when a white shirt was always first to every ball. There is no exonerating Inter repulsive tactic of hooking the ball into Barcelona’s half with frustrating constituency, waiting for the resultant wave of attack, before winning the ball and repeating the cycle all over again. However, the discipline and organisation with which Internazionale operate is reminiscent of that among armed forces, which is how ten protagonist’s, most of whom are in their thirties, managed to subdue a Barca side that Catalan fans claim to be one of the best in their illustrious history. As every neutral would assert, Inter’s victory came against everything that symbolised the aesthetic joy provided by football at its elite. At optimum performance, Barcelona’s scintillating ball-playing should surely be classified as one of the world’s great wonders. The seamless and ravishing beauty of Barca’s ‘Total Football’ permits their defenders, midfielders and strikers to interchange and reciprocate impeccably, exemplified by the dexterity of Pique’s stunning finish.
Mourinho’s tactical astuteness will likely win Internazionale their first European trophy for forty-five years, having strategically outplayed and conquered the two most potent threats of the tournament, Chelsea and Barcelona. But for all his narcissistic egotism, I hope Arjen Robben can produce another flash of brilliance in Madrid to bring Mourinho back down to earth.

Team Bath Roar Ahead

21/8/09

A team of engineering students from the University of Bath came first in the annual international ImechE Formula Student competition, held at Silverstone earlier this summer. Team Bath Racing finished sixth and fourth at previous events in 2007/08, ahead of other participating British teams. Another impressive fourth place at the competition held on the 17 – 19 July, capped a hat-trick of UK victories for these innovative players.

The aim of the Formula Student event is to promote careers in engineering by challenging university students to design, build and develop their own single seater racing car. Team Baths car was powered by a modified motorcycle engine, capable of reaching 60mph in three seconds. All other components of the car were designed, made and assembled by the team itself. Fifteen mechanical and electronic engineering students from Bath University worked on the car, competing against a field of competitors from around the world.
Students operate under a hypothetical client brief that they have to produce a prototype racer for a large manufacturing firm, and therefore must learn to work round the clock, under extreme pressure and adhere to tight deadlines. Participating students will gain the experience, skills and professionalisms, essential for a successful career in motorsport.

This year’s Formula Student competition started slowly for Team Bath as they underperformed in the skidpan and acceleration events. Nevertheless, morale was bolstered as the team went on to achieve second place in the presentation round, surpassed with an exciting win in the fuel economy event. The big test came on the endurance event, held during appalling conditions as torrential rain drenched the Silverstone circuit. To make matters worse, a car belonging to a competing team blew its engine and spewed oil across the track. However, the Team Bath car excelled on the greasy circuit and led the endurance round for most of the day. Unfortunately, the weather eventually loosened up, allowing the treacherous track to dry out, permitting the remaining teams who hadn’t yet run to post quicker lap times. Despite this, and thanks to a strong performance in the fuel economy event, the team finished fourth overall, on par with their inspirational feats of 2008.

Fabian Pillay, project leader for Bath Team Racing, who drove the car in two of the four races summed up the experience: “The team has worked incredibly hard over the last 18 months and the result has made it completely worthwhile. Working up to 20 hours a day over the last two weeks leading up to the competition was mentally and physically draining but nothing when compared to being stood in the Silverstone pit lane watching your car head out for the final race.

Ross Brawn, Team Principal of Formula One Championship leaders Brawn GP, hailed the value of the Formula Student project: “If the FS cars were all pristine, perfect examples it would be a boring competition, which makes Formula 1 a little bit sterile. Seeing these sorts of things at FS is quite exciting.’’

21/6/09

Ronaldo: Few Tears Shed

After initially stating that he wouldn’t sell Real Madrid a virus, Sir Alex Ferguson finally decided to cash in on his most valuable asset for a cool £80m, allowing Cristiano Ronaldo to make the move from Manchester to Madrid which he had so vehemently desired since the previous summer. While some United fans lament the departure of Old Trafford’s talismanic number seven as irreplaceable, it appears Ferguson could not tolerate Ronaldo’s prima-donna personality much longer.

Nevertheless, beyond the exasperating theatrics and egotistical nonsense for which Ronaldo became increasingly notorious for was a statistical freak of a footballer, a wide forward with the goal-scoring rate of a world-class striker. His unquestionable ability as an individual match-winner was evident on numerous occasions last term for United, while his sometimes overzealous desire for victory can render the twenty-one other players on the pitch almost superfluous. However, when his risible tantrum at being substituted in the Manchester derby was further exacerbated by the unnecessary criticism of his manager’s tactics after defeat at the hands of Barcelona, it seemed Ronaldo had already packed his bags. It is worth remembering that much of the current United squad was built using funds from the sale of the previous number seven, who also lost favour with Sir Alex Ferguson and was also shipped off to Real Madrid for a substantial sum.

Despite his statistical success, there are a number of reasons why the magician from Madeira did not achieve legendary status among much of the Old Trafford support. Unlike his much coveted predecessors such as Cantona, Keane and to an extent, Beckham, Ronaldo never experienced the warm bond between audience and performer that culminates a United favourite. His tendency for melodramatics and play-acting opposed the predominantly Corinthian sporting values preached by Premier League, and while he is undoubtedly close to becoming the proverbial complete footballer, Ronaldo does possess a chronic inability to keep a cool head and track back when necessary.
Conversely, it seems there is every likelihood of the Winker flourishing under the bright lights of the Spanish La Liga. Following the recent re-election of Florentino Peréz as club president, Real Madrid have reverted to their infamous Galactico recruiting policy. Consequently, Ronaldo will have plenty of competition when it comes to who can moan the loudest in the Bernabeu dressing room. Moreover, Sir Alex Ferguson operates Manchester United under a siege mentality as a means of generating team cohesion and togetherness as a unit – the direct opposite applies to Galacticos, who ooze the kind of individuality and glamour that would cause Sir Alex to choke on his chewing gum. At Real Madrid, Ronaldo will now literally be in the same league as the worlds most complete footballers such as Xavi, Puyol, Iniesta and fellow Galactico, Kaka.

The explicatives describing Cristiano Ronaldo flow flawlessly off the tongue: scores goals with both feet from distance, possesses strong heading ability, can dribble at pace. Combine those qualities with his astronomical merchandising value and a decade of top-flight football ahead of him, it seems Madrid may have got themselves a bargain.

“Looking for Eric”, the film directed by Ken Loach was released in cinemas last week. Looking for Cristiano? Try Madrid.